Keeping Life in Perspective

Lately, I'm feeling like I'm on a roll disappointing people. I missed a good part of one of my best friend's 30th birthday parties. I was cranky toward a couple of my other friends because we were overscheduled, and I didn't know how to tell them politely that we didn't have time to visit. I screwed up at work twice this week (unbeknownst to me until after the fact). I made us late for a wine tasting party. The icing on the cake came on Friday night, when I was frantically searching everywhere in our house for a baby shower invitation that I could swear was right in plain sight on the desk the day before. I didn't find it, but I did find a birthday party invitation for one of Gabe's friends tucked in between some papers that were sent home from school. I hadn't even opened it yet. I opened it, and discovered, "Oh man. The kid's party was on March 8th!" I can't seem to keep up with everything. Uggh. Time to write a really apologetic email and time to buy a belated birthday gift.

I had everything packed up and ready to go to Nichole's baby shower on Friday night, and I emailed her to be sure I was remembering the right details (since I couldn't find the invitation). Luckily I remembered correctly. I thought things were going well. The kids and I were getting ready to walk out the door a little before 9 -- it's a 3-hour drive, so that gave us more than an hour to spare in case we hit traffic. Tim marches back into the house to announce that the front right tire is completely flat. Well, we share one car, so this is just the worst news EVER, in my current mindset. I walk out front in disbelief, hoping he's playing an early April Fool's joke on me, but alas, no, the tire is flat as a pancake. We come up with a plan (Tim will try to pump it full of enough air to get the car to the station around the corner to get it fixed or replaced), and in the meantime, I'm doing a bit of cursing beneath my breath. The hardest part for me is calling people to let them know I'm about to disappoint them or to apologize for just having disappointed them. I really hate those phone calls where you feel like a total loser.

I muttered, "I am so mad" under my breath, and, regrettably, my darling daughter heard me. "Mommy, are you mad at me?" Oh crap! "No, honey, I'm so sorry. I'm not mad at you. I'm just mad in general. This stinks. We're going to be late AGAIN." And, Gabe piped up with, "Mom, who's General?"

Just when you think life couldn't possibly throw you another curveball, your kids make you see the humor in it all. I started cracking up laughing. They help me realize that not every situation that seems like a disaster is truly a disaster. (We wound up making it to Nichole's baby shower about an hour and 10 minutes late, but it was still going strong and we stayed and got to visit for a couple more hours. AND, we got to visit with Granny for a couple hours too before we made the trek home.) And, when I'm feeling like I'm disappointing everyone, all I have to do is turn my attention to the kids, who seemingly could never be disappointed in me. (I'm sure this will change at some point!) For now, I hold the moon for them, and I need to remember that they're learning how to cope with life's "disasters" by watching me and their dad deal with them. Parenthood is an awesome responsibility and a learning process (we're still figuring some things out and I imagine this will always be the case), but children themselves provide so many of those learning moments. I was instantly able to relax after that short interaction with Sofia, and she and I played in the front yard while we patiently waited for Tim and Gabe to come back with the car. It was a BEAUTIFUL day outside after all, and we could at least enjoy the great outdoors for a few minutes while we awaited their return, and I could let go of overanalyzing all of the ways I could've prevented the flat tire from making us late. Geez, there are so many worse things that could have happened. I really need to be more grateful for the beautiful life that I have.